Funny Business Enthusiast Pillows

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

Spot the difference.

Boss's Desk Says No!

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

Sign - Halt manager crossing

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

'We haven't improved quality, but we've made it easier to return.'

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

The Rubber Ball Company

"Mr. Johnson, Bob is kicking me under the table!"

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

'Our problem is how to lower quality while raising prices...'

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

'An exxpert team set up a team of special consultants, that then set up a committee whose members asked their 7 year old kids. Now 14 months later they've concluded we're not efficient enough.'

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

'We will not kick the can down the road... Does anyone know how to use a can opener?'

"It lost a little something in translation."

"Has anyone mentioned that you're management now, …… You don't get overtime."

"If I seem excited, Mr. Bolling, it's only because I know that I can make you a very rich man."

'He bowed lower for me than for you.'

'We're all right as long as they think we're taking millions.'

Of course I always start off by wooing a prospective candidate with talk of stimulating work,great colleagues and a reasonable work life balance...but the winning argument is always when I promise them enough money to choke a rhino.

"That's a very difficult problem to address, Ted, could you restate it as a solution?"

"I know we're not lions, but let's call ourselves a pride anyway."

Economy Slows: 'It's still too fast for me.'

ANOTHER FINE MESS, INC.

'Now, if you would all put on your glasses, we'll get a glimpse of our profits in 3D.'

'If we hadn't outsourced the staff, we could've eaten them.'