Business Humor Junkie Pillows

That should get you motivated.

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"This position has become very important to the company."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

Spot the difference.

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

Sign - Halt manager crossing

"Any questions?"

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

"I hate performance review season."

'We haven't improved quality, but we've made it easier to return.'

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

Satya Nutella

"Delegating authority is good. Delegating blame is better."

'Gentlemen, I've been authorized to sweeten the offer.'

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

"You can all unroll yourselves now. We're heading back up."

'We earn extra money by renting out your office at night.'

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

"Perhaps this slide whistle can better illustrate what this graph is telling us."

'An exxpert team set up a team of special consultants, that then set up a committee whose members asked their 7 year old kids. Now 14 months later they've concluded we're not efficient enough.'

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

The number one injury in today's workplace: severe bends caused by repeated exposure to deep-dive presentations.

"What if, instead of the safe being filled with rawhide, it's filled with catnip and mice!" "No one will buy it." "Drugs and rodents? Who's our demographic?" "The Simpsons already did that."

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

"Wake up Thomas, it's not 2020. There's no Zoom camera to turn off to hide yourself."