Funny Bedtime Storytellers Gifts

You read me a story about a workaholic little engine, and you expect it to make me sleepy?

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

Late night teddy reading

"...and the humans turned Neville into 80,000 toothpicks..."

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

'Please make us instruments of Thy peace, starting with Bucky Sims.'

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

Shadow Puppet Bunny Threatened By Shadow Hawk

Dog Nightmares

'She's just great with the children.'

The Poky Little Pupa.

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

"Mmmm! Bears hibernate in the winter. Cats can hibernate anytime we want!"

'Read me the one about the ant and the obsessive-compulsive grasshopper.'

"Why didn't one of the bears just call 9-1-1 and have that girl arrested for trespassing?"

'At lone at last.'

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

Now Simon would have nightmares about his mother's failing eyesight.

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

"And if that diamond ring don’t shine, Poppa will probably take it back to 47th Street and get something for your mother."

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

"Only one pailful? Did they have water restrictions like we do?"

"I'm actually pretty ready for bed."

"Dad, can we have a bedtime narrative?"

'The pioneers opened the frontier, but it wasn't legal until brave lawyers blazed the paper trail!'

"Oh,oh - here comes quality time again."

'And you're telling me this, why?'

"I'll get up in negative five minutes."

"That dream catcher may be working a little too well."

"Customers who bought 'The Three Little Pigs' also bought...."