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Magicians funeral

"Who'd have thought old Harry would turn out to be a vampire?"

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

"Hope you don't mind—it was his last request."

'He always said he wouldn't be seen dead with his shirt outside his trousers - he'll be livid.'

Dead Man's Handel

"Dearly beloved - We gather today to honor the life of the greatest magician of our time."

A signaller directing pallbearers

I told myself I wasn't going to cry at his funeral

"As always he found a way to duck out of working overtime!"

'He was a shooting star, passing through the firmament. Lighting up our dull lives with his all too brief presence.' 'I think we're at the wrong funeral.'

Priest gives the last rites to an expired metre.

"Well he was there a minute ago!"

'She was always very proud of her figure.'

Fisherman Funneral

'He arranged it himself. Let's face it he really was the skinflint's skinflint...'

"You fool! This isn't embalming fluid, this is my coffee."

"I think it's important to remember that he isn't gone forever. He's still alive. He just played a character on TV who died."

No caption. (Mimes carry an invisible casket from a hearse).

"He was right about saving that box. It did come in handy."

"His last wish was that we delete his browsing history."

Bug Funerals

Geez, this is gonna take forever! Turtle Funerals.

"We will now observe a moment of silently checking our BlackBerrys."

Bugs hold a candle-light vigil for fallen comrade while the old man responsible for his death is unrepentant.

'I thought new home prices had fallen.'

"He will be remembered by his Google Assistant."

"Hell of a way to end the summer."

"When Kevin walked into a room, he lit it up."

'I think he would have been pleased to know that I got his entire record breaking bungee jump on video.'

'There's no talking to him when he's like this.'

O'Leary's Monuments

"Pleasant Hill Funeral Home. Free Wi-Fi."

'Why is he always hanging around?'

'When you said we were planting a bug, this isn't what I thought you had in mind."