Funeral Car Enthusiast T-Shirts

"Trust me - he's going to a better place."

"What old school? This is my life."

Excess Baggage: In the old days folks called 2 weeks with 4 kids in a non-air conditioned car a vacation.

"So this is what you want? This is why after school, almost every day, you spend all your extra free time working at the auto store?"

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

'Mom, dad's toasting the new year with the car again!'

"The major obstacle to your big dream...is your tiny wallet."

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

'Let me look at that map...'

"She's family."

"Yeah, I'm just here for winter break. I'm staying with my aunt Maria. She lives down the block."

A pivotal scene from 'Faust: The Road Movie.'

Old Vic / Adelphi Theatre

"When was the last time you started her up?"

Lucky car.

"Let me guess...you got a job here because you needed new parts for your lowrider project?"

"I'm sorry Joet...I shouldn't be mad. In fact, congratulations! You saved your money. You deserve the finest ride on the planet."

'Don't let any SUV's pass us.'

Prince Charles' 38-year-old Aston Martin runs on biofuel made from wine.

'If you think about it, automobiles haven't changed that much in a hundred years.'

Crash Test Dummy Funerals.

"His last wish was that we delete his browsing history."

'Whatever it is you're making, Dad, may I use it tonight?'

'I just want to warn you if you buy this, you may never again know if people like you for you or your corvette.'

"This is the time of year we give thanks for all we have."

You go ahead - I only chase classic cars.

"We argue a lot about money - her library fines, my antique car collection. . ."

"The color of my car? The manufacturer called it Autumn Chestnut Sable, but now it's more like Meatloaf Gravy Beige."

'I told you that something was wrong with your cousin Wilbur.'

"This is a CLASSIC pre-owned special. See, it has a cigarette lighter instead of a USB socket."

"Joey ripped me off. Last week I showed him this ad for a 1964 Chevy Impala...and he went out and bought it."

What's in your back seat? Nothing. There's paper everywhere, and dirty clothes, and something that smells like a drunk threw up and then rolled around in it. That looks like ancient cheese. Introducing: The flaw. You haven't cleaned this since the '90s. Big whoop.

'You're sure that's one of the stages of grief?'

'This sucks. Let's try and start the wave.'

The four hearsemen with the Alpaca lips.