Frustrated Riser Pillows

"Dang it."

'No it's still not fixed'

"It's another day, Phil. Planning to suit up?"

Paper being carefully folded until it resembles a scrunched up paper ball.

"Just pick one!! We're already late!!"

"I love the smell of unemployment in the morning."

Self-Assembly Bookcase

"Baldo, time to get up! It's the first day of school!"

'I think I see your problem. You didn't use the swear words listed in the assembly instructions.'

'I don't need that exercise stuff -- I cross the pain threshold just getting out of bed in the morning.'

"Hello... is that the help desk?"

'You know Doug just isn't a morning person. This afternoon's not looking too good, either.'

'I think I should take my hubby for counselling. . . his brain and hands aren't on talking terms.'

"On days when I need to get out of bed and go to work, I close my eyes until the feeling passes."

'I set the alarm to 96 years!'

'God, I hate Sunday mornings.'

"This bill is the same as your estimate! What did'nt you do?"

'Good Morning!'

'You're supposed to fetch the stick back,not throw it.'

"What don't you understand about 'fetch'?"

"I won't be in the office today, my apathy is acting up again."

"If I hear one more buzz I will pull this car over!"

'Thank you for calling the Zepco mattresses hotline...'

'yes, up every day at dawn, but there was a shameful time as a teenager when I used to sleep in until noon sometimes...'

Excess Baggage: Most taxi drivers have GPS in their cars, but will still get completely lost when you are the passage.

Rise and shine, young man! It's time for school! I don't want to rise, I don't want to shine, I'm not a young man, and school is for suckers. Call me at lunchtime.

"It was Monday morning, he kept hitting the snooze button, and before he knew it, it had been twenty years."

"Would you like to pay with card, cash or the dim and shredded remains of my remaining dreams?"

"The only thing worse than seeing something done wrong is seeing it done slowly."

"If you would like to listen to music while you are on hold press 1, If you would like some quiet time to work out how much this call is costing press 2, if...."

A man filling up his coffee pot, with his brain as a coffee filter.

'I am so very frustrated! It's hard for you to understand, but you don't know the golf course.'

'Well, there's plague in town, everyone will believe you if you pull a sickie...'

Why Committees Move Slowly!

'When the computer senses that you are in a hurry, it automatically slows down.'