Fruit And Veg Virtuoso Pillows

'Manure, you say? We always put custard on our rhubarb!'

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

Allotment

'You wouldn't happen to be sitting on my entry to the straightest runner bean competition?'

"Our fresh seasonal hand-crafted brews contain a full serving of spring vegetables."

Our farmer brought fresh beans, tomatoes, corn and squash this week. Nice. You should have bought into the farm share. I've got my own farmer. Mine's cheap. Mine's cheaper. Thanks, mom. You can't take more zucchini?

'So glad you could make our vegetarian BBQ.'

A corner market is taken over by suburban sprawl.

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

"Just a couple of ninety cent seed packets, and you can have fresh garden vegetables for heaven knows how long."

Frank & Ernie's Carrot, Beet, Potato Farm. Lunch break's over --- Shall we return to our roots?

'You may not feel any healthier right away, but you'll definitely feel more smug.'

OFA. Onion Farmer of the Year. I told myself I wasn't going to cry ….

Excellent crop! What's your secret?

"Oh, no - not another farmer's market!"

Berries, Roots, Tubers, Stems, Leaves.

Onion Tears

A butcher announcing he will kill his own meat

"What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!"

Rap-scallions

Avocado Timeline

"I have to be honest: the job you're applying for is a real no-brainer. Are you sure you're OK with that?"

"The vegetables have gone bad!"

"Are you mad with us, Mrs. Bimmelman?"

Grocery Shopping

"Mother will never be able to rest on her laurels. If they're green, she'll cook them."

'Carrot salad, carrot casserole, carrot juice, carrot cake - I want steak!'

"I told the cook I would prefer that she use some kind of artificial blackbird substitute."

'I grow all our tomatoes. I grow all our spinach. All you do is complain about the cost of my twice weekly manicures.'

Fresh picked baseballs.

Man on Stilts in a Market

F&E Produce. I had interesting customers today. First, a beautician checked out the purple potatoes and yellow beets. Ah, a hair stylist inspected the colored roots! That card shark bought some fruit. Two pears, I'll bet! A journalist was searching for an onion alternative. He needs leeks! And labor negotiators requested to increase their usual vegetable order. They asked for a celery hike, eh? I think the customers are the best part of this job. Yeah, you never know who will turnip!

'Eat your lettuce. It'll put colour back in your cheeks.'

"But for an update in GM products in farming we have a spokescarrot."

'If you want produce grown on the farm down the road you'll have to go to Kuala Lumpur.'