Frugal Traveler Pillows

"If I promise to come back serval times, can I get the group rate?"

Travel Advisor: 'Our needs are simple - I want somewhere warm , and he wants anywhere tipping is prohibited!'

Really Cheap Hotels.

'No way I'm buying a first class ticket just to get a club soda!'

'Two can't live as cheaply as one, but we will get double - occupancy rates when we travel'

'Hi - I'm on the train, because I can't afford to get in it.'

'You know Jim's got to find another way to avoid the outrageous fares.'

Gas Prices.

'-or for fifty quid I can arrange for you to stow away'

"Because of gas prices, there's been a slight change in our vacation plans..."

Excess Baggage: Check the prices of the items in the hotel mini-bar before treating yourself to a feast.

Cheapskate Cruises

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

A treasure map shows you all the roads without tolls.

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

Excess Baggage: Airlines are constantly working on new seating configurations.

"If your luggage is in your clothes it doesn't count!"

"You just had to book the economy cruise, didn't you?"

"We're off. We got a loan to fill er up!"

'He must be going economy!'

'And, at those prices, we have two wheel well seats available.'

"It was rated on all the travel websites. 'Best economy tour'."

Getting out of baggage fees is tricky, another sweater or two and I'd be charged for an extra seat.

'Can I ask you what you've had to eat this morning, Sir? . . .Have you evacuated your bowels since then? . . . I'm afraid I'll have to charge you for the additional weight.'

'Margaret, what are we doing on this cruise ship that we couldn't have done at home, cheaper?'

An airplane with a sardine can opener instead of a door

'Phone for help? Are you mad? Have you any idea how much it costs to use a mobile abroad?'

"Now THAT's what I call a budget airline!"

Expensive greeting cards.

'Any other husband would hire two pairs of skis.'

"This is the last time I let you handle our vacation plans, you cheapskate."

"It's only until the gas prices go down and I can afford to drive the car again. Maybe you should have an ambulance follow me."

"Once again, how little did you pay for this room?"

"Rome was great – aside from the roaming fees."

"For an extra charge, your flight can come with angst and insecurity."