Frugal Holiday Planner Gifts

"This year, we just decided to give money to ourselves."

Santa Claus's Mail

Airlines

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

"As you can see, I've alphabetized the items, presents owing if you will, so if you can digitally initial here, here, here, here and here and sign there. Thank you. See you December 24."

"Christmas drinks 'n' nibbles system"

-'but for a full English breakfast you can't beat Blackpool,sir.'

Mr. Punch in Venice

"I ask that today is a good day...a day that brings family together...to show how we need one another."

"Really! How many 'How to Survive the Festive Season' articles does one man need?"

Italia tours

Heading off with a packed bag

'My secret? Stay away from Halloween candy.'

'This one is a bit different - twelve Indian call centres in eight days.'

Excess Baggage: Sooner or later all those vacation bills come due.

North Pole twinned with Amazon

"I'll be there in three 'All Too Well's."

"I know it’s a challenge, but it needs your input!" "...Your breadth of knowledge of different interest groups, religions...cultures!" "Right, so the staff Christmas meal will be a traditional lacto-vegan one at a Thai restaurant sometime in March?" "Do you think the Pagans will be OK with that?"

"Could you help me fit nine days work into five and still see my family?"

Wizard of Oz - repeat fees

Man on beach realizes laying down flattens his stomach

'No, no, no. You guys are way off! This isn't even the cat. You guys are on the dog.'

'We must have everything... this is all that's left!'

A tourist struggling with loads of luggage

"We can't go. We don't have enough carbon offset credits to get to the Grand Canyon."

'Let it go, Amy.'

"Well, all I know is he left on vacation to unwind... and he never wound-up again!"

'If that's my wife, pencil her in for Boxing Day.'

"Honey, I love celebrating Christmas! I love all the food, the sweets, the Christmas tree and the presents, but our bank account hates Christmas!"

"I've been invited to two different thanksgivings...One with family, one with friends, which one do I go to?"

'The travel agent says there's nothing available on the port side. Do you want me to see if she's got anything on the sherry side?'

"Wait a minute- these are just the ten commandments of perfect mashed potatoes."

"What happened to the good old Jewish holidays when all we used to do was eat?"

Pre-Winter Ennui-'Hon, did you have the furnace checked?'

Moths fly to Blackpool for illuminations: 'I'm telling you, you're gonna love it.'