Frugal Groom Gifts

"Remember, bring it all back within two weeks and I'll refund your deposit."

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

"You may now kiss the bride..."

I must say a winter wedding certainly saves on confetti!'

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

"She can walk the walk, but can she talk the talk?"

"The wedding cake as holy sacrament"

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

Wedding Day Itinerary.

'Apparently the stag party has gone into extra time.'

"Ten Dollars?! I can't eat that." Bob was on a strict low-cost diet.

'He does.'

'It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.'

"He thought he'd stand out more in a body suit."

"Who told the quartet to play 'Highway to Hell'?"

'....Till death do you part, don't say I didn't warn you.'

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

'Why can't he just say 'I do'?'

Visual Gag: An about to be married Bride using a real train as a wedding gown train

'Actually, most brides would find being stranded on a deserted beach very romantic...'

"Excuse me, Reverend, but what, exactly, do you have to do to get a drink around here?"

"Do you, Halfomild Tellycelebrtipewhoo-hoo, promise to brush up on matters such as the Hadron Collider?"

"Nobody told me it was a dress down wedding day!"

"You may now let me go try to get the sand out of my shoes and suit just in time for my next beach wedding."

'Okay, so you were right; maybe figuring 13 bottles of wine per person was a little too much.'

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

'...And do you John take Jennifer to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold, to write off on your taxes?'

'...till death, or a really huge argument over ringtones, do you part.'

Wedding Fayre

Speech

'You should have seen the one that got away!'

'Just three pieces of cake for 200 hundred guests?'

"Sorry I'm late. I had to get a tattoo removed"