Frugal Frontier Lover Pillows

"The rent's too high."

My 5-year-old nephew cut his hair! His mom was so upset until she thought: 'Wait a minute! I just saved 12 bucks!'

Clancy Strip: Money and Beer

Cheapskate Cruises

"It was rated on all the travel websites. 'Best economy tour'."

"Could I have a bottle of the Chateau Lafitte '67 but filled with the wine from Tesco 2019."

"It's only until the gas prices go down and I can afford to drive the car again. Maybe you should have an ambulance follow me."

Welcome all to the monthly gathering of Tightwads United. Hi there. Hello. Hey. On tonight's agenda: Dumpster diving, coupon clipping, and a special lecture. How to carpool while always getting the other person to drive. I'm like a god. Woohoo!! Yeah!!! Clap clap clap clap clap clap clap. Tightwads United.

"It's made from all our old leftovers. I call it 'Rescue Casserole.'"

'Withdrawal symptoms.'

"Once again, how little did you pay for this room?"

"I always say; 'You don't need to spend a lot of money to have a good time on a first date."

"Why pay for a tree in November when you can get one off the side of the road in January for free?"

'Gentlemen, it's time we tightened our belts.'

'I could only afford a Yo.'

"He's given up trying to find anything else he can cut to reach 40% savings."

How to save on your heating bill...

"Do you have this in an $11.99?"

'Two can't live as cheaply as one, but we will get double - occupancy rates when we travel'

"There's no getting away from the numbers....only by forgetting holidays, giving up drink, the cinema, meals out and socialising...will we be able to afford any quality of life when we retire."

"Why can't you just buy some modern LED lights?"

How to do without

"For someone your age, the yearly premium on a $5,000 policy is $8,000."

"If I promise to come back serval times, can I get the group rate?"

"I wanted to give Christmas bonuses but that would violate the separation of church and business."

'We've all had to cut costs a smidge.'

'He arranged it himself. Let's face it he really was the skinflint's skinflint...'

'Well, you did insist that our travel agent find the cheapest tickets to Hawaii.'

"Could I have a bottle of the Chateau Lafitte '67 but filled with the wine from Tesco 2019."

I've got to make an offering to the cheapskate muse. What's that got to do with me? You understand women. What could I do to bring back my goddess of inspiration? That's nice. What's nice? Goddess of inspiration. You mind if I use that line on this hottie I met when I was trolling for broads at the bus station? This is not helping! No, it is. Don't sell yourself short. HOJ.

'At these prices I won't be able to say much!'

"Hello Bob, I haven't seen you since you had a water meter fitted!"

'Why can't you guys be more like the hot water heater, who may pay for itself in two years.'

"I've just had a look at my revised pension forecast..."

Thrift: Sew your mouth shut before going to a restaurant.