Friend-zone Philosopher Gifts

I like you, Jimmy, just not the way you like me. Sigh. Imaginary Friend Zone.

Skeptic Tank.

"Is this what I want to be doing with my death?"

"...and those are my deepest, most intimate feelings about our friendship."

"I'm going to be rich, famous, and irresistible to the opposite sex any day now, Randy." "I think you've had one too many hot cocas, little buddy." "No, really. I've written a note for my descendants and buried it in a time capsule in my backyard." "Once they read it, they'll time-travel back to the 20th century and genetically engineer my embryonic self." "They'll bestow me with superhuman charisma, epic good looks, and money-management skills." "You're forgetting that to have descend

Meekness of Mr Pecksniff and his Charming Daughter

"I'm supposed to be loyal, relieve stress, be 'Man's best friend'...I don't need this kind of pressure!"

"All of my friends are imaginary."

"The meaning of life at a glance"

The Guru is away to negotiate movie rights for his best-selling book, 'Money Won't Make You Happy'."

I told you the King wasn't ready for irony!

"There's no point in our being friends if you won't let me fix you."

'Money can't buy friendship.'-'Neither can poverty.'

'He's just de-man's-best-friended me.'

'The 20th century wasn't bad, but I preferred the 19th. I'm open minded for the 21st.'

"Yesterday I got in touch with a childhood friend!"

I was allowed to chew this. But not that

"I don't love you anymore. Let's just be friends."

"Careful, Blanch. I think he's up to something."

"I'll get that. First go get me a glass of warm water."

"It was all that running around town buying diet books that achieved my weight loss."

"Yes, I can see where being Wendy's invisible friend all those years, and then her growing up could cause separation anxiety."

'One thing you've got to learn about life...you're not going to make many friends.'

'Listen, I'm flattered, but it's safer for you if we just stay friends...'

"They said it couldn't be done – I made a friend as an adult!"

'These constant fights for territory mean that I don't have any male friends...'

'The animal psychiatrist said don't bother him with dog things- he doesn't know he's a dog!'

'I was afraid of this -- the evolution protocols are just confusing them.'

Social Networking Sites for the Unemployed

How does she get her grass so green?

"Remember, son, keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and anyone who says 'Beer me' as far away as possible."

'Best friend? I hardly know the man!'

"Funny how you can be friends with somebody for so long but never really know him."

'Maybe the world isn't getting less friendly, maybe you're getting grumpier.'

'Hey, don't look at me -- I was AGAINST free will.'