Friend With A Child Pillows

"Just wait 'til I've read this book."

"Can we do that again tomorrow night?"

A young Don King

I will study my speling words...

'Ahhh...'

'X is unknown? Even to somebody with all your education?'

"What do you think I can get for it on the blackboard market?"

'Still having a hard time finding day care?'

Timmy had one heck of a security blanket.

"I give up. Where's the power button?"

My book report is based on the audio book of the same name.

Twenty-first century baby walker

(When I'm good I'm very very good, but when I'm bad I'm... Well….) (Horrid?)

'Don't leave baby alone with this really cool tiny phone. It's a choking hazard.'

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN!, 'Boy, talk about psychobabbl!'

"Bad things happen to people who don't buy my cookies, Sir."

'In Show and Tell today, I showed my birthmark! I got expelled!'

'I know what you're thinking, are those legal shoes.'

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

"I think I'm beginning to embrace humiliation."

"I'm exempt from the company fitness program. I have triplets at home."

Unbeknownst to most, dogs are actually greedy bastards searching for gold,

"I wish they'd never discovered fertility drugs!"

'Look. Billy Curry did a nude!'

'Still having problems finding a baby sitter?'

Boys making skis from bits of fence.

'You still owe me the pony from last year!'

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

"11th Grade Math for Nincompoops"

'How was I to know that my invisible friend was so rambunctious?'

"Sure, helicopter parenting is bad but drone parenting is way worse."

Teacher to student: 'Nice use of glitter, but you were assigned to do math problems.'

"Oh, for Pete’s sake – it’s the ocean!"

Fetching some fuel.

"How many times do I have to beep you?"