Friend Who Complains About Bills Pillows

"The bills! The bills!"

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"...Looks like nothing but snow on TV tonight..."

If there is a postive response, say it was my idea

'Will Work For Food, The Take, Like, Two Bites And Walk Away.'

"I charge by the grain."

'There's been unexpected complications involving your husband's bill.'

How cats see their home

How to scare cats.

'Let's say you're all stretched out in your favorite spot and it gets cloudy...'

Dentist: We drill/Fill/Bill.

'Race you to the nearest lap?'

"Hey! You overcharged me by $20."

'It's not laziness, its stress management.'

'I need you to open wide, Peel.' - 'Ahhh.' - 'Not your mouth, fool! Your wallet.' - 'Arghhh!' - 'Wider!' - 'Argh!'

"We lawyers are very conscientious about our charges and I remember that one specifically: I called to wish you a happy birthday and I got your answering machine so I just billed you a quarter of an hour."

"His ingrowing solicitor was playing up again."

'What do you mean I'm not putting in any sweat equity? I sweat every time you give me a bill.'

"The doctor encourages second opinions, but not about his fees."

Dr Jekyll/Mr Hyde gets his gas bill.

"I felt that there wasn't enough cat hair on your clean laundry so I decided to fix it."

'Yes, we offer no-fee checking accounts. For a small fee.'

'What am I blind, Bob?'

"Skip parts A through H and fill out the I, O and U ones!"

"I just got a second notice on my credit card bill. But I never even got a first notice."

Complaints Department

'After seeing the latest fuel bills your Dad's gone nuclear!'

"A brand new credit card and not an ATM in sight!:

"I feed the cat nothing but veggies."

"Isn't it true that you did not love the victim, as you claim, but, in point of fact, feigned affection for the sole purpose of obtaining tuna fish?"

'I must warn you; reading your bill may cause heart palpitations,cold sweat,stomach cramps,nausea...'

"Due to the high electricity price, you'll have to pay a 25 bucks deductible. As you will understand, I'd like to have it in advance."

An angry cat with bubble gum stuck to his butt.

Cat tries to trick a dog wearing a cone into drowning itself during a rain storm.

'Oh, you mean that last fee! We just threw that one in to evenly balance the two columns.'