Friend Of A Soldier's Family Gifts

Kathleen felt she was stuck between Iraq and a heart place.

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

'Einstein, the children are getting too complex for me.'

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

'This is the only part of my old Army uniform that still fits.'

Baby knocks old lady out with pram toy.

A Communal Breakfast for the Young

'That reminds me, the seat broke on mine. I must make time to get it repaired.'

A cow poos down a hole.'UH-OH!'

'We're just like family. Stop mumbling, Cindy. Straighten up, Fred. Get that hair out of your eyes, Janet...'

Twenty-first century baby walker

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

Danae's Career Plans: 'The major product manufactured today is punditry, so I'm honing my argumentative skills to work my way to the top of the blow hard industry..my goal is to become a spin ninja...'

Balloon Kids

'Well, Scout Smith, escort the little old lay across the street.'

"I'm afraid he left everything to charity... Oh, I see. I take it your name's Charity?"

Infantry.

Senior Jeopardy!

Mother pours bubble bath into child's plastic pool

'You've become like a son to me, Alvin. But the company has strict rules against nepotism, so I have to let you go.'

"He's only energetic on sunny days."

Mother threatening to gag her baby.

Happy Labour Day: While you enjoy that last long weekend of summer, remember...there are some folks who aren't taking the weekend off.

'I don't think of my skin as saggy...I think of it as relaxed-fit!'

Mistaken baby ducks.

Sermon Applause.

Lucky Stars.

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

"Personally, I of course loved Uncle Clarence, but Mr. Quibbles wants to say a few things."

'Don't worry about making your will, Miss Moneybags leave everything to me. . .'

'Sorry, he can't come out and play. He's grounded.'

"You told Pastor Bob about my room, didn't you?"

"What the hell did you do with your day before I retired?"