Frequent Customer Pillows

"How've you been, Baldo? You still seeing Estella? Is that a new shirt? How's your Tia Carmen?"

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

'Do you realize that we're sitting in a prefabricated house, eating precooked dinners, and listening to Chris Matthews' opinions?'

"You sure you guys don't spike the coffee?"

'It's one of our new technology rings, it allows you to download karats.'

"Don't worry. If we're too late, we can always catch the secondary screening."

"Did you ask for the large print edition?"

'I'll take the one on the right.'

"More?"

Professor McWit, crushed by an avalanche of Philosophy 101 texts, proves again that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing.

Business-Class.

SERMONS 'R' US - everything for the clergy.

Continental Breakfast...$2.99: 'What continent is THIS supposed to represent?'

"No matter the weather or what's on my plate, I'm here at five. That's discipline."

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

"What say we shake things up a bit, and go in and ask for a couple of home-pregnancy test kits."

US Airlines

"Here’s the thermostat. Like all hotel thermostats, it’s just for show."

"We've been from sea to shining sea! Why don't you admit you're lost!"

"... Wine list? No, we don't have a wine list! Perhaps I can get sir something from the vending machine?"

'Not only am I a frequent flyer, I'm a frequent waiter.'

Waiter, what's this photograph of Jeff Goldblum doing in my soup? He starred in the remake of "The Fly." Personally, I prefer Al (David) Hedison in the original.

"By the time I've read all the nutrition and ingredients information I've lost my appetite!"

"Sales of our festive toilet cleaner have gone through the floor...it makes you worry that people have forgotten what the festive season is ALL ABOUT!"

'We only have rooms with real teeth left!'

"Next vacation, let's leave the chicken home."

"That's me. I've had sixty-two."

How do you like the new suit?

"Where can I find your organic, locally raised children?"

"It's so nice to be home, mum, and have unrestricted use of the telephone again"

"Henry's in the hospital? How's he doing?"

"Sorry, I'm the Amazing People Watcher. I'm going all I can."

"Hi, honey—I'm home."

"Didn't they fly by earlier?"

"Can you just fetch our red ones, dear?"