Frequent Customer Pillows

"How've you been, Baldo? You still seeing Estella? Is that a new shirt? How's your Tia Carmen?"

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

'Do you realize that we're sitting in a prefabricated house, eating precooked dinners, and listening to Chris Matthews' opinions?'

"You sure you guys don't spike the coffee?"

'It's one of our new technology rings, it allows you to download karats.'

"Don't worry. If we're too late, we can always catch the secondary screening."

"Did you ask for the large print edition?"

'I'll take the one on the right.'

SERMONS 'R' US - everything for the clergy.

Professor McWit, crushed by an avalanche of Philosophy 101 texts, proves again that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing.

Business-Class.

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

"What say we shake things up a bit, and go in and ask for a couple of home-pregnancy test kits."

Continental Breakfast...$2.99: 'What continent is THIS supposed to represent?'

"No matter the weather or what's on my plate, I'm here at five. That's discipline."

US Airlines

"Here’s the thermostat. Like all hotel thermostats, it’s just for show."

"We've been from sea to shining sea! Why don't you admit you're lost!"

"... Wine list? No, we don't have a wine list! Perhaps I can get sir something from the vending machine?"

'Not only am I a frequent flyer, I'm a frequent waiter.'

"By the time I've read all the nutrition and ingredients information I've lost my appetite!"

"Where can I find your organic, locally raised children?"

"Next vacation, let's leave the chicken home."

"It's so nice to be home, mum, and have unrestricted use of the telephone again"

"That's me. I've had sixty-two."

'We only have rooms with real teeth left!'

How do you like the new suit?

"Sales of our festive toilet cleaner have gone through the floor...it makes you worry that people have forgotten what the festive season is ALL ABOUT!"

"Can you just fetch our red ones, dear?"

"Hi, honey—I'm home."

"Didn't they fly by earlier?"

"Henry's in the hospital? How's he doing?"

"Sorry, I'm the Amazing People Watcher. I'm going all I can."

"And now a reading from the catalogs of Saint Paul."