French Cuisine Enthusiast Pillows

'Did monsieur enjoy the meal?' - 'I could get more nourishment biting my lip.'

'The escargots are underdone.'

'Perhaps monsieur found the Vichyssoise 'crunchy' because the soup bowl was not edible.'

At the French Cafe.

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

"...But ASIDE from that, how was your trip to France?"

Paris' magnificent Trifle tower.

"All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine... from a tub."

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

'Your stab at ordering the wine in French went well.'

Garlic Free Zone.

Grand Escargot at a Parisian Eatery.

"I think foie gras is French for endless buffet."

Cooking with Pierre

'Two famous French wines.' 'Red and white.'

"Gigot de sept heures."

"Oh, but we could be so good together...!"

"Then again, an honest profile picture would not have got me a wonderful 'Duck Confit with a Chocolat Creme Brulee.'"

Ordering Food At A French Restaurant.

''Romantic'? No -- but it makes me feel like having a CROISSANT!'

"I love when you make asparagus soup!"

"My bouche was not amused."

Paul Bocuse caricature

"Our French chef just quit, so instead of the crepes you ordered, I made a breakfast burrito."

Culinary Culture.

'Here's a good one, France on 2000 calories a day.'

'Hey, Frenchie - you call this paupiettes de beouf aux legumes?'

'The Entrecote a la Bordelaise? It's stuff on a plate.'

"Interested in some romantic punk rock during your dinner?"

'My French is not so good.'

"Pat? de fois gras avec des petits pois et pommes de terre au gratin? Very well, sir ? is generic okay?"

'Yes, all our flambe dishes come with injury, liability insurance.'

French man holding a dish.

"And when I get to this fancy French restaurant, will they be glad to see me?"