French Cuisine Buff Pillows

"And when I get to this fancy French restaurant, will they be glad to see me?"

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

"...But ASIDE from that, how was your trip to France?"

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

Paris' magnificent Trifle tower.

"All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine... from a tub."

'Your stab at ordering the wine in French went well.'

Garlic Free Zone.

Grand Escargot at a Parisian Eatery.

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

"I think foie gras is French for endless buffet."

"Gigot de sept heures."

"Then again, an honest profile picture would not have got me a wonderful 'Duck Confit with a Chocolat Creme Brulee.'"

Cooking with Pierre

'Two famous French wines.' 'Red and white.'

"Oh, but we could be so good together...!"

Ordering Food At A French Restaurant.

''Romantic'? No -- but it makes me feel like having a CROISSANT!'

'Hey, Frenchie - you call this paupiettes de beouf aux legumes?'

"Interested in some romantic punk rock during your dinner?"

'My French is not so good.'

'The Entrecote a la Bordelaise? It's stuff on a plate.'

'Here's a good one, France on 2000 calories a day.'

'The escargots are underdone.'

"My bouche was not amused."

Culinary Culture.

"I love when you make asparagus soup!"

"Our French chef just quit, so instead of the crepes you ordered, I made a breakfast burrito."

"Pat? de fois gras avec des petits pois et pommes de terre au gratin? Very well, sir ? is generic okay?"

French man holding a dish.

'Yes, all our flambe dishes come with injury, liability insurance.'

"So nice to see things 'a la financiere' again."

"The Garlic Escargot Velouté...would you like that in the traditional tureen, or supersized in a bucket?"

'If that is a toenail, it is a French toenail.'

Garlic, the wonderful stinking rose.