French Cuisine Aficionado T-Shirts

A Scene at the Lucullus.

Brand-new jeans for sale! (Thanks to the French Cook!).

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

"...But ASIDE from that, how was your trip to France?"

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

Paris' magnificent Trifle tower.

"All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine... from a tub."

'Your stab at ordering the wine in French went well.'

Garlic Free Zone.

Grand Escargot at a Parisian Eatery.

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

"I think foie gras is French for endless buffet."

"Gigot de sept heures."

"Then again, an honest profile picture would not have got me a wonderful 'Duck Confit with a Chocolat Creme Brulee.'"

Cooking with Pierre

'Two famous French wines.' 'Red and white.'

"Oh, but we could be so good together...!"

Ordering Food At A French Restaurant.

''Romantic'? No -- but it makes me feel like having a CROISSANT!'

'Hey, Frenchie - you call this paupiettes de beouf aux legumes?'

"Interested in some romantic punk rock during your dinner?"

'My French is not so good.'

'The Entrecote a la Bordelaise? It's stuff on a plate.'

'Here's a good one, France on 2000 calories a day.'

'The escargots are underdone.'

"My bouche was not amused."

Culinary Culture.

"I love when you make asparagus soup!"

"Our French chef just quit, so instead of the crepes you ordered, I made a breakfast burrito."

"Pat? de fois gras avec des petits pois et pommes de terre au gratin? Very well, sir ? is generic okay?"

French man holding a dish.

'Yes, all our flambe dishes come with injury, liability insurance.'

"So nice to see things 'a la financiere' again."

"And when I get to this fancy French restaurant, will they be glad to see me?"

"The Garlic Escargot Velouté...would you like that in the traditional tureen, or supersized in a bucket?"