Fraud Story Fan Gifts

Robert Macaire as a Bible-selling agent

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

"Stop summoning me about rising sea levels. I do costumed supervillains staling jewels, men in beanies grabbing handbags - that sort of thing."

Cat Burglar

"'A body at rest'? -- Are you writing murder mysteries now, Isaac?"

'You shouldn't knock them back so quickly.'

Money laundering - shows money flowing out of US vault.

Bernard Madhoff $50-billion Ponzi financial scheme.

Whodunnit. Whoreallydunnit.

"I felt I could make more of a difference within the system."

'Any ideas on motive?' 'Only one, Chief.'

Bill hits the ground running, makes a big splash early on, and rides a roller-coaster of insane popularity right into the "Where Are They Now?" Wilderness of Forgotten Celebrities.

"Don't make me send in the bad cat."

The evidence destroyed

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

'Mark Antony addreses the mob'

PARALEGAL, 'Hi -- I'm a paracriminal.'

Moses as a mobster.

Cosa Nostradamus: "Listen, you mook. I predict if you don't pay the vig to the Don by tonight you'll be at the bottom of the Hudson by morning."

"This little piggy went to market, this little piggy drove the getaway car..."

'We find the defendant guilty. I mean, why else would he go out and hire the best lawyer in town?'

The growing problem of employee theft.

"He's doing it again, your honor!"

Sewee-Cide.

"Yes, we're a letterbox company. How can I help you?"

After this embarrassing incident, the woman who lived in a shoe finally checked herself into odor-eaters anonymous.

"Can any of you draw? I'm thinking we should move into children's books."

"The big one dropped his weapon, but keep an eye on the little one. I think he's still armed."

Mafia Nursery Rhymes - sorry Weazel, I'm gonna have to pop you.

'Don't feel so bad about this. I'll give you a receipt for tax purposes.'

"So, while extortion, racketeering, and murder may be bad acts, they don't make you a bad person."

Change of crime for a bored criminal

The Apprentice: Recession Special.

"As his nanny she would have known about his diabetes and et she gave him spoonfuls, yes spoonfuls, of sugar."

'I like reading romance novels: They always leave me with a warm feeling inside...'