Fortune Frenzy Pillows

'This is the new stocks and shares manager.'

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

"You must be cheating - no one's that lucky!"

'This is the BEST well we've dug!!'

A cow goes to the Fortune Teller - 'I can see two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun...!'

'This New Year you will be bathed in a sea of cash!...Hand on...Sorry. This New Year you will need a flea bath for some sort of rash.'

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'

'Our businessman's special includes fortune cookies filled with stock tips'

Lottery - come back to eat here 20 times and you will win million dollar in lottery.

Melissa's Mark Prediction Service

'Congratulations! You've just won ten million dollars!'

'The very name 'windfall profits' show it's an act of god.'

'Your life will being when all of your kids are married and the dog dies.'

'I see you crossing a road...'

Your Palm

A windfall pear falling straight into a bag of windfall pears.

"Either the fortune cookie cutter failed, or you have a lot of issues you're not telling your mother about."

"He's a widowed eighty-year-old billionaire with a 'Do Not Resuscitate' tattoo...what's not to like?"

"In an effort to avoid controversy, and to accommodate our attention spans, we will be replacing the commencement speaker with fortune cookies."

"He says that it's really not that bad down there."

Two psychics have shops next to each other; one advertises "Second Opinions".

"I think I've already had my fifteen minutes of fortune."

"My father was a very succesful man. He left me enough money that I could marry an idiot."

business illustration

"By opening this cookie you are agreeing to whatever terms..."

"My third and final wish is for money and wealth—again!"

'I see your future investing in a fortune telling business!'

'Good news! The stock market is about to explode upwards on . . .'

"The wealth inequality is a good lesson, since a bullish portfolio will make you rich, not happy."

Typical body language 1 hour after major Lottery win.

When Tia Carmen says... "Every misfortune you have carries in it the seed of tomorrow's good luck!" it means... "I didn't win the lottery last week, but this week that jackpot's mine!"

'What's gold doing now'