Former Athlete Gifts

'I batted cleanup, I was the R.B.I. king, the go-to guy...then the boss said no more sports metaphors.'

'You do realize you're no longer a pro athlete and there is no preseason to work out the kinks, don't you?'

"Good game."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

I like the Jets...I guess

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

"Portrait of a Lady"

'I love your cardiovascular system!'

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

What McWit lacks in speed he gains in nose.

'They were hoping to gradually introduce him to the pro game, but injuries left them no choice.'

'Sure beats your cupping your ear!'

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

'Of course I'm on the pull - I'm a cricketer.'

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

"Babe, I'm gonna leave you... It may take a few eons, but I am definitely gonna leave you..."

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

'Hang in there, Larry, those endorphins will soon kick in.'

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

"Good game, good game, nice game, namaste, good game, nice game ..."

Yearbook

Bullseye!

'Gee, you beat Roger again!'

"Damn those dugout Martinis!"

'Did you want to bring on a sub'

'Why couldn't you throw like that in the game?'

Bringing Your Child To The Bicycle Race

"You'll have to help out here more. I pulled a hammy jumping over the moon."

Saving a Heart