Forensic Accountant Gifts

"My only crime, Denise, was loving you too much. That and embezzling your trust fund."

'I LOVE the smell of cooked books.'

Money laundering - shows money flowing out of US vault.

"The numbers don't lie, but we can fix that."

'A Policeman hey? My dad is a crime-fighter too: He's a Forensic Accountant...'

White Collar Crime.

"We're going to need the best forensic accountants money can buy."

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

The transparent safe box of Panama

'It's almost a photographic copy of Worldcom...' (Enron / Worldcom / Xerox accounting scandals)

'His job is to follow the paperless trail.'

'Your last meal is the books you cooked.'

Fighting corruption

"I've no doubt you'd be fun at happy hour. I'm just worried you might not know a lot about forensic accounting."

"Any OTHER skills that might be more appropriate to a role in forensic accounting?"

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

'Ok, I'm in a paperwork mood. Let 'er rip.'

'It's a difficult job, he needed a bigger than average 'stress ball'.'

'No doubt about it Captain. See these markings? This arrow belongs to Robin Hood!'

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

I understand that our cat Magus died. I miss her a lot. But I wish my parents wouldn't tiptoe around it. House of Java.net Cybercafe. You don't have to watch Youtube clips of CSI: Miami to understand that death is a part of life. The thing I don't understand about our cat's death is, who would've killed her and left a mountain of unresolved clues that only a crack forensics team can figure out? Where were you at 8:45 p.m.? The Youtube Generation grows up fast.

'I'm sure that the autopsy will confirm it was a suicide.'

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

"You're either lying or not telling the truth."

Clowns in the board room: 'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to, well, pie.'

'Mark my word, Walters, this is no ordinary virus.'

Fred Dinsdale - Forensic expert.

'Who was the murderer? Well Watson, that's the killer question.'

'This graph may need some explaining...'

Panama Papers Scandal

Updated Fairy Tales. Having all of them around sure sweetened my stimulus check!

"True crime meets reality TV"

The Corporate Trust: 'Since we have an agreement of transparency with the feds, I don't need to remind all of you that this meeting never happened.'

Mother to son, regarding stolen cake: 'I don't need to check anything with 'the boys in forensics' I know it was you.'