Fore-play Fanatic Gifts

Acme Insurance - "He can never get anyone to play with him."

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

"Has anyone seen the dog?"

'I've been called some mean things as a baby boomer, but 'Pig in the Python' really hurts.'

'Amscray,fuzzbrain - no carnivores allowed

The Alpha Seltzer

"Sorry I'm late. I overslept." "Is that even a real word?"

"No flight of the Bumblebee"

Career Choices

Cat Burglar

Wiener Dog . . . Dog Wiener

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

"We have; pulled pork, enticed chicken, persuaded lamb, bullied beef, cajoled Turkey..."

Exciting potato bugs.

"If you'd like to take a seat."

"Personally, I'd like to hire you, Mike, but the company has some serious concerns about your core competencies!"

Humanities 101. I hear you're reading Greek plays in there. Yeah, it's a real Medea blitz!

'There is a drug for Hypochondria... but the side-effects may actually make you sick!'

"Of course, when I say we the people I mean I the people."

Annual Swim Hundreds of Miles, Spawn and Die Marathon.

'You've got the wrong idiot, number.'

"There's only the four of us. I hope you like doo-wop."

'At last they're waving us through - Away you go George.'

"Oh, I'm fine. I just had to take a personal day to recharge my batteries."

Surgeon walks through hospital where sign says, 'No Stresspassing'.

Praying mantis.

'I prefer the term 'mobile home'.'

"Look, I know the other team is taller than we are...but I'm pretty sure this isn't allowed."

"Streaming"

"Gimme a lite. Bug Lite."

Business Promotion.

"The etchings are in the library."

"I'm terrible taking tests, too. I always freeze."

S**t Threw a Goose