For Kids T-Shirts

'I'm thinking something a little more modest... say, whatever 1,000 slaves can do in 50 years.'

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

'Isn't that cute! They're thanking us.'

City Zoo: Day Care

"Just be yourself."

I like the Jets...I guess

"I know what this is, it's what mum and dad call 'working from home'...

Wildlife

12 O'clock was 'I'm a tractor time.'

Santa Claus's Mail

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

Uncle demonstrating chemical experiments to children

"Whales eat billions of tiny shrimp-like creatures called krill. The krill are free but whales spend a fortune on dental floss."

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

'Chocolate milk, carrot cake,candied yams...see, there's a solution to everything!'

"As you can see, I've alphabetized the items, presents owing if you will, so if you can digitally initial here, here, here, here and here and sign there. Thank you. See you December 24."

"We're playing doctor. Do you have any old magazines for our waiting room?"

"Look, a bug!"

'Tastes like cherry kool-aid, what's it do?'

"And this is our media room."

"Hi-yah!"

'Don't look at me. I'm not the one who puts the measuring cups where I can't reach them.'

'You need an education or you will wind up in some fast food place.'

"Just kick back and enjoy this. These are the nest years of our lives!"

Boy with a whale: 'He followed me home, Dad, can I keep him?'

'I'll give you a clue. The answer is a number, not a fruit.'

SALE

'He made an excellent jelly.'

"That'll be five bucks."

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

Shed Into Dream Playhouse.

"Wait—did you procure that worm humanely?"

'I don't see why I have to pick it up. I'm not responsible for the law of gravity.'