Football Tactician Gifts

'Any questions?'

In Russia, soccer is a contract sport.

Head Coach, Offensive Coordinator, Post-Touchdown Choreographer

Nigel Adkins

Football fans discuss a deceased manager: A giant, a legend, much loved. Didn't we sack him?

'With your 4-4-2 formation I don't think you'll see the end of this match.'

"We're updating stats for our fantasy football league."

"Which one are we, Coach?"

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

Alternative fielding positions

"Weather like this plagued my retreat from Moscow."

'He's been hiding out here for 20 years. Apparently, his buddies forgot to tell him the paintball tournament was over.'

"Well I didn't see the incident myself.."

Vinnie's Billiards: 'Heck of a break, Ron!'

'So far, sir, we've rejected plans A,B, C, D, E, F, and right now we're evaluating'G'.'

Carlo Ancelotti

'The score is tied and we've only got a 20-second timeout, so we've gotta be quick. ... I'm 'X'. Who wants to be 'O'?'

Football.

"I carefully examine the data for March madness brackets and every year I lose to Anita, who picks by uniform colors."

"I know I told you to fool him into thinking you've got nothing left, but now you've got me convinced."

Just as he was about to be annihilated, Dirk makes an amazing discovery,

'I wandered lonely as Wayne Rooney playing up front for England.'

Manager. Managing a political campaign and a baseball team are alike in many ways. A campaign is launched with a "first pitch," when a candidate gives a speech selling himself or herself. I change pitchers based on the game situation. In politics and baseball, sometimes it's best to come from the right side and sometimes it's best to come from the left side. We study our competitors' weaknesses and exploit those. In politics we call that "opposition research." And I don't worry about the

'Thank you colonel we'll keep your strategy in mind.'

'Hurry, hurry! What's he saying?'

'The break is over, guys. It's time we got back to our 'Poker Addiction Support Group.''

'I wonder who they'll bring on as manager for the second half.'

Arsene Wenger

Stats. Fantasy League. The difference between men and boys is men draft their imaginary friends onto fantasy sports teams.

'Quick! Play dead!'

Golf

Jose Mourinho

"Try caressing the ball with your bat."

'And that's the latest on today's coaching changes.'

Football math: 57% + 53% = : 'This is what I expect from every player, every play!'