Football Fairy Tale Lover Pillows

"This is the story of the Three Liitle Pigskins and the Big Bad Wolf!"

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

"I don't care about the rating on Goodreads. We're reading Cinderella!"

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

"Do you do temporary ones that last about two weeks?"

'Frank built it himself. The last football will fall through the hourglass 10 seconds before the Super Bowl starts.'

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

If nobody had invented graphics

Here be dragons.

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

"I'm not using my jumper as a goalpost, sir, I'm using it as a jumper."

"What the hell took so long?"

"That's her - that's the girl who broke into our house! But her hair was 'goldier'."

'Now that's the Group of Death.'

"... And this one needs a shot of vodka."

Raheem Sterling

"Well, that one got away."

"Ever since you changed from a frog to a Prince you seem a little jumpy!"

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

'If I told you what I wished for, you'd probably slap me.'

Football

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

Big screen TV.

'Let's throw ball. Running game not working.'

'And at what stage did you realise the ball you were heading was on the TV?'

Grimm's Reality Tales.

Invisible clothes

Kenny Dalglish

This is a great game --- All except for that blimp. It keeps reminding me I've already broken my diet resolution. Pizza. Chips.

"So you kiss me and I turn into a prince? No thanks, sweetie, I'm gay. I'm already a queen."

'I told him if he didn't get here quick he'd miss out on all the beer and food.'

"Damn! I'm in the wrong fairy tale. This is the three little pig's house, not the three bear's!"

"All of a dither as per usual!"