Football Chairman Pillows

"We've just paid £10million, so your salary will be £3.75.. "

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

Apart from your mother, who else thinks you're doing a good job as Chairman of the company?

'Another football scholarship offer?'

'Will you lot come out! - the new kit's not that bad!'

'We need you to get onto those high balls coming over'

"No way. Lando, my friend. Lando." "There's no way Lando Calrissian was a better betrayer than Alex Krycek." "Ask any passerby on the street. 9 out of 10 of them won't even know who Alex Krycek is." "That's utter foolishness. Everyone knows Alex Krycek. He was basically the X-Files' anti-Mulder. He could out-weasel Billy D. Williams any day." "Stop!" "When men start arguing over which fictional character was a better betrayer, they have officially run out of things to talk about." "That Kr

Even good cholesterol can develop an unhealthy sports addiction...

Football

"I'm not using my jumper as a goalpost, sir, I'm using it as a jumper."

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

'What are we, wimps? Are we gonna let a bunch of rabbits push us all over the field? Come on, big guys.'

Good luck tonight, xoxo, Coach.

United Football Club: In, Out, VAR.

'This new game isn't working out -- the ball keeps running away.'

Kenny Dalglish

"This crucial pre-game drill keeps you focused and eliminates distractions!"

'I got a reverse hat trick. I let three goals in.'

So far the coaching exchange program was hitting a few snags.

'And now on the comedy channel Jose Mourinho's latest outburst.'

Gold Medal for IOC boss Thomas Bach in the discipline of Brown-Nosing-Dictators-For-Money.

'Fergie quits - chewing gum sales hit all time low!'

Football team discussions.

Woman watches football match played by a mug of tea, salt pot and ketchup bottle, she says to husband: 'Your explanation of the offside rule was spot on.'

Input From The Front Office

"Well I didn't see the incident myself.."

'The bad news is you failed all your courses. The good news is you passed the urine test.'

Jose Mourinho & Roman Abramovich Caricature.

"And Rooney's stretchered off the pitch after managing to stick his foot in his mouth..."

American Football.

"If you think it's tough at this level, kid, wait until you get into calculus."

Ernesto Valverde Tejedor

The best goalie in the world!

"This guy's a terrific defensive lineman. I once saw him chase down a quakerback for nearly 40 yards before sacking him. It was in a shopping mall, but still..."