Football Administrator Pillows

Sepp Blatter

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

'Another football scholarship offer?'

'Will you lot come out! - the new kit's not that bad!'

'We need you to get onto those high balls coming over'

"I'm not using my jumper as a goalpost, sir, I'm using it as a jumper."

Even good cholesterol can develop an unhealthy sports addiction...

Football

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

'Your classroom management techniques work in practice but not in theory. That worries me.'

'What are we, wimps? Are we gonna let a bunch of rabbits push us all over the field? Come on, big guys.'

United Football Club: In, Out, VAR.

'This new game isn't working out -- the ball keeps running away.'

Good luck tonight, xoxo, Coach.

"This crucial pre-game drill keeps you focused and eliminates distractions!"

So far the coaching exchange program was hitting a few snags.

Egyptian Football

'I got a reverse hat trick. I let three goals in.'

'And now on the comedy channel Jose Mourinho's latest outburst.'

"Have your parents sign this waiver concerning violations of personal space. . . then you guys can play tag."

Football team discussions.

Woman watches football match played by a mug of tea, salt pot and ketchup bottle, she says to husband: 'Your explanation of the offside rule was spot on.'

Input From The Front Office

"Well I didn't see the incident myself.."

'Good news from the field, sire! Attila did not like the referee's call, so he's folding up his tents, taking his ball and going home!'

'You have failed on all counts...'

'The bad news is you failed all your courses. The good news is you passed the urine test.'

'You haven't heard the best thing. . .no referees.'

"This guy's a terrific defensive lineman. I once saw him chase down a quakerback for nearly 40 yards before sacking him. It was in a shopping mall, but still..."

'It looks suspiciously like Killer Hart is taking a dive!'

Jocko, a man for all sports' seasons.