Foodie With Grit Gifts

Currently, I can only offer takeout service.

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"How can you be out of wings?"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

"If you're tired of stegosaur, go kill something else."

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

One Man's Meat is Another Man's Poetry

"That's it. We’re toast."

Kung food restaurant (Waiter flies through the air bringing the food).

hard-boiled egg...

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

'Before I order breakfast, which way is it to the 'International Bathroom of Pancakes'?'

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

"Everything tastes better when it's cooked on the grill."

-'but for a full English breakfast you can't beat Blackpool,sir.'

'I've already been recruited by one of the top fast-food chains in the country!'

'So tell me why you think you're suffering from seasonal ineffective disorder.'

"The spoon, he ran away with the goddam spoon."

How about going easy on the carbs

'A wheel? No wonder I broke a tooth. I thought it was a donut.'

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

Devil's food cake/Angel's food cake. Delivery mix-up.

Advocado

"...But ASIDE from that, how was your trip to France?"

Famous Jewish Blues Singer Series.

"I wanted to plant my own food, but I couldn't find bacon seeds!"

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

"At first glance this diet might seem boring but then you realize there are actually seven varieties of kale!"

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

Flying sauces.

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.