Foodie With A Flair For The Absurd Gifts

"Now, in contrast to the last olive oil you tasted, this one is infused with sixty-five more dollars."

"How can you be out of wings?"

hard-boiled egg...

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

The Main Types of Cheese

Banana Split Personality

'The Burrito King.'

"Just because we're hyenas doesn't mean we always have to get Laughing Cow cheese."

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

'I used to think I was the only one kids hated... I don't know what I'd do if it weren't for you guys.'

"I remember his last words were, 'Another bite and I'll burst!'..."

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

'I can't finish -- may I have a peasant-bag?'

"We have; pulled pork, enticed chicken, persuaded lamb, bullied beef, cajoled Turkey..."

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

"My diet plan for you is if it tastes good, spit it out."

Jewish Geometry

Diner

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

'Someone's been tampering with this chicken. It tastes like chicken.'

Beef stew 50c. (In a bowl - $1.75)

'Would you care for some fresh pepper? Well too bad, because all we have is these dried up old peppercorns.'

Baloneystini

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

Clown answers the door to a custard pie in the face.

"He's fond of garlic, so his bark is much worse than his bite."

'What do you do with the thumbs?'

"I can assure you ladies all our eggs come from free range chickens."

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"

Man says: 'Great pizza, but the mozzarella was a bit stringy.'

"I like when we get organ transplants from New York because they always throw in a dozen bagels."

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

"Did you order the flying jalapeños?"

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

'It feels warm enough to me.'