Foodie With A Flair For The Absurd T-Shirts

"Now, in contrast to the last olive oil you tasted, this one is infused with sixty-five more dollars."

"How can you be out of wings?"

hard-boiled egg...

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

Banana Split Personality

'The Burrito King.'

'I used to think I was the only one kids hated... I don't know what I'd do if it weren't for you guys.'

The Main Types of Cheese

"Just because we're hyenas doesn't mean we always have to get Laughing Cow cheese."

"I remember his last words were, 'Another bite and I'll burst!'..."

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

'I can't finish -- may I have a peasant-bag?'

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

"We have; pulled pork, enticed chicken, persuaded lamb, bullied beef, cajoled Turkey..."

"My diet plan for you is if it tastes good, spit it out."

Jewish Geometry

Diner

"He's fond of garlic, so his bark is much worse than his bite."

'Someone's been tampering with this chicken. It tastes like chicken.'

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

Beef stew 50c. (In a bowl - $1.75)

"I can assure you ladies all our eggs come from free range chickens."

Restaurant. One thing you can still get for a single dollar is the waiter's opinion of you.

Clown answers the door to a custard pie in the face.

'What do you do with the thumbs?'

Baloneystini

'Would you care for some fresh pepper? Well too bad, because all we have is these dried up old peppercorns.'

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"

Man says: 'Great pizza, but the mozzarella was a bit stringy.'

'It feels warm enough to me.'

"Did you order the flying jalapeños?"

'The food here isn't too bad, just try not to swallow !'

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'