Foodie Who Forgets T-Shirts

"The I'm Going Off My Diet special comes with a side order of Guilt."

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'Your blood pressure is extremely high - your resistance to things that cause it, extremely low!'

"Hang on, I know I came into the kitchen for something..."

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

"It's my family's special recipe, passed down through generations on the cream cheese package."

'You forgot your glasses again, didn't you?'

'My French is not so good.'

"Pardon, I should have been more specific...is everything all right with THE MEAL?"

'I'm fat, I eat too much and my blood pressure is high. . . Have a beer and some chips but feel guilty about it.'

'Fruitcake, pfefferneusse, we'd like you to consider early retirement.'

'I just need enough to send my Dad to cookery lessons!'

'I think our marriage would make a great country song.'

"I used to be a foodie. Now I'm a fussy glutton."

What do you mean it's not vegetarian? The maggots all jump out...

"Fred? Can you help me? I'm really in a jam."

'How can anything this bad be fattening?.'

"All our ingredients are ethically sourced, so feel free to leave the sh*ttiest tip you can possibly imagine."

"I never thought I'd be saying this, but I'd like some hospital food."

Me On A Diet: "I should not be eating this!"

'You would forget the doggie bag!'

'I don't think it's so much my inability to lose weight as it is my ability to find it.'

'Allors Monsieur, let's see... one fish meal... one phone call for the ambulance... that'll be 79,70.'

"I don't like sweetcorn".

'How many times did I tell you 'Don't eat the free samples given out on the street!'?'

Guy begging for money holding his hat out. Next to him an out of work chef holding his frying pan out begging for money.

Man faced with a fridge full of food can't find the dinner left for him by his wife

The consequences of eating junk food.

"I've added some dehydrated non-vegetable oil sulphites so it's more like mum used to make."

Man suffering terrrible cramps at dinner

'Can I get some carmelized onions on that omelet?'

'This is an emergency, get me meals on wheels...'

'For small events, the sympathetic ear, for big ones, the sympathetic stomach!'

"She may be useless in the bedroom but she claims to be a wow in the kitchen!"

'Gone to memory trainning class, your dinner could be in the oven?'