Foodie's Nemesis Pillows

"Good news is we won a trip. bad news is that it's a trip to France."

HELLth Food Sprouts

'Your blood pressure is extremely high - your resistance to things that cause it, extremely low!'

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

'The Ailing Matisse tries cutting out meat and dairy products.'

'My French is not so good.'

All You Can Eat Buffet: "Remember, my safe word is 'Diabetes.'"

'It started out with lactose, but ow he's intolerant of everything.'

'This restaurant has got zero stars, right? Every single one of them is well deserved.'

Man walks into a restaurant with a sign saying "Billy Bob's Diner - We don't let the federal government tell us what to do with our tainted beef".

'Grate two hundred grammes of cheddar cheese...' - 'Uh-oh.' - 'Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no...' - 'Cheese gives me nightmares.' - 'Argh!!! No!!! Make it stop!! I can't take the pain!! No!! Arghhhh!!!'

I Hate Alphabet Soup.

'We're sorry sir, but our kitchen is out-sourced and takes a little longer.'

"Fred? Can you help me? I'm really in a jam."

'How can anything this bad be fattening?.'

'My wife has me on a very strict diet so I need a safe place to store my binge foods.'

'Have you noticed that when you're on a diet the food you cheat with tastes so much better.'

'Please be careful, sir, the plate is hot.'

'Allors Monsieur, let's see... one fish meal... one phone call for the ambulance... that'll be 79,70.'

'What's our offence? We've been on bread and water for 40 minutes.'

'How many times did I tell you 'Don't eat the free samples given out on the street!'?'

"For what we are about to receive, let it not contain any mad cow disease..."

What do you suggest for someone on a diet who wants to leave room for dessert?

'Push away from the food, good...'

"It's horrible. Well, I share my food...on social media."

'Not only our fishcakes, Granny Cora herself was recalled. She's not really a Granny.'

A man's instant camera picture falls into his soup.

"I'm afraid that eating 12 varieties of pizza doesn't constitute a 'varied' diet."

"My heart says I should go with my head; my head says I should go with my gut."

Man suffering terrrible cramps at dinner

'This is an emergency, get me meals on wheels...'

'The food in here does taste like home cooking - I'm not leaving a tip!'

"I don't like the look of this, Charlie"

If you eat like that you'll get fat and die.