Foodie Reformed Gifts

'As your weight-loss counselor, I must advise you to stop thinking of eating as a hobby.'

'Strained carrots again! What am I being punished for this time?'

'Another neat trick is to cut regular spaghetti into little pieces, and next thing you know you've got yourself a bowl of spaghetti-i-s.'

'Okay mum, I'll eat it all up. But I doubt I'll grow big and strong on this muck!'

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

'We're at an Italian restaurant this time, Kevin -- those are breadsticks, not giant-size chopsticks.'

'You can't have a drumstick because this is roast beef.'

'As if school lunches weren't bad enough. Now, they have to be nutritious!'

Joe's Truckstop Diner: Eat In - Take Out - Poop somewhere else.

"I've been a chef for far too long...."

"I'm taking you off two of the four food groups."

'Mom, am I store-bought or homemade?'

'I'm not very hungry after eating my first quarter losses.'

'Mind if I join you? I told your wife that if she didn't like the way I cook, she could have a run at it herself.'

'What do you mean, it's good for me and I'll like it? That sounds like a contradiction in terms.'

"I was the first one to work completely gluten free."

"Who remembers when food wasn't genetically modified?"

"Remember... the cork. You're supposed to smell the cork!"

'...And when it registers over 140 pounds, it automatically triggers the refrigerator lock.'

'He's very fussy about his food.'

"Back inside, Bernie! The buffet is full of shrimp, pork and ham!"

"Oh, I don't eat turkey. One of my spiritual advisers is a turkey."

"Telling me how nutritious it is doesn't make it taste any better."

State Fair. Fun. You won a ribbon in the eating contest? What for? Honorable munchin'!

"I used to be a foodie. Now I'm a fussy glutton."

'Enlighten me!'

'I don't know. . . Nobody has ever requested a doggy bag before. . .'

'The frogs legs kicked the peas off the plate.'

"Hey, how about putting some cheese on this cheeseburger?" "OK, but it'll cost ya."

'If milk is so good, why don't cows drink it?'

'I'm not eating that - it hasn't been advertised on the telly...'

'If it tastes just like chicken... I'd rather have chicken.'

'And please have my grilled cheese sandwich cut in half diagonally, or I'll cry.'

"How do we increase that boy's gas mileage?"

"I never thought I'd be saying this, but I'd like some hospital food."