Foodie Philospher Gifts

"We should throw out this hummus. I think it's become radicalized."

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

View to the Future

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

'May future generations forgive you for eating that sausage...'

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

'Is it guilt that when you eat us that we are no longer called pigs but bacon, pork chops or ham?'

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

"To paraphrase Nietzsche, there is no pleasure without pain au chocolat."

"Ma, what does 'kosher' mean?"

"Bob takes everything with a grain of salt...and pepper...and garlic..."

'If I order pasta and she orders antipasta, did we really order anything?'

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

Surprise in the salad bowl

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

"Carpe pizza"

You'll be a manicotti soon enough, son - Just enjoy being a mostaccioli while it lasts.

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

"What does the time traveler do when he's hungry? Go back four seconds."

'Young lady, I'm afraid existential despair is no excuse for not eating your lima beans.'

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

"On second thought, just give me the ham and forget the roast beef."

"Give me your metabolism! Now!"

Avocado Timeline

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

"Is it free-range?"

'I'm saving some for leftovers tomorrow.'

'What do you have that hasn't been cloned?'

"First you make a roux."

"They have oat fiber, wheat fiber, and rice fiber, but no moral fiber."

The Politics of Food.

'School of nutrition - as of today: Butter, good...'

"Your moon is in the House of Pancakes."

"Eating a diet rich in vibrant colors does not mean a bowl of Skittles."