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"Tongue please."

'You complimented the chef on his dumplings -now he wishes to return the compliments!'

"When you say that love is in the air, you're referring to the smells from the food trucks, right?"

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

'I think I'll go home and eat'

The British Territory of the South Sandwich Islands.

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

'Lining my pockets with aluminum foil so I can sneak Thanksgiving leftovers home.'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

Frank and Ernie's Diner. We're all out of pressed duck, sir, but I can put the squeeze on some chicken for you.

'Yes, I am impressed at how fast you got here, but where's my pizza?'

"I'm just the bus boy but I'll be ignoring you also."

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

"I don't know where to begin, each dish has its own app."

F&E Diner. I'll bet you want the alphabet soup, right? Hey! Don't put words in my mouth!

'We just invented cooking yesterday, and already she's serving leftovers!'

Seafood: "Of course our food is fresh."

You are what you eat (Nuts).

'Tasty bird.'

"[Old Steak Bone Tavern]"

'And it comes with oven mitts, butter, sour cream and chives.'

NASA, 'I thought YOU were bringing a can opener!'

'Hey, honey bun!'

Weight Loss Counselor, out for a 400 calorie lunch.

Woman reads Nigella Lawson cook book: 'Add butter to the mixture, remembering to moisten your lips ... whisk for three to four minutes, pouting throughout ...'

Uncle Giving Boy a Mince Pie

'Today's special is yesterday's left-overs.'

"My lord, Sir Arthur is pleased to bid thee welcome to his food court."

"Obviously, sir, it's a very discerning, vegetarian fly."

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

"They're going to print a retraction - your desserts are not inconsistent."

'The chef says, 'Thank your the compliment on the breast of the chicken and he would like to compliment you on the breast of YOUR chicken'.'

Bagel problems.

"Will you stop comparing me to your mum!"