Food Label Checker Prints

"Diet Meal Calories: 5 calories when prepared so it's edible: 5000."

"Out with the old fish, in with the new."

Rumors, lies and innuendo.

The Expert

Sure, I'll take a sandwich

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

"I changed my mind - I don't want any shredded cheese on my salad."

"Dad, did you know Tia Carmen got a job at my school cafeteria?"

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

"Sure, ha ha, it’s all ‘free-range’ beef."

'...Contains Phixe-knide, TBHQ, hydro-cla, Cyklid, Yetfopnmide - and other unpronounceable stuff.' (grocery store)

'Advanced warning: High cholesterol 10mtrs ahead.'

Nearly a third of the earth's life-forms have gone extinct. Cut! Stop with all the facts. This is debate club! But we're using a cable tv talk show format! What should I say? Unsupported opinions

'Use by June 2007. Gah' - 'Use by July 2007. Double gah.' - 'Best of a bad bunch...'

Two computers, smaller one labeled DATA, the larger one, HYPE

"We can serve a rare handburger, but because of health regulations, this room will have to be heated to 160 degrees."

"Be right with you - just need to call for a tow truck and change today's 'Catch of the Day' to venison."

"Tonight's specials include beef wellington (long regarded as a major source of cholesterol and saturated fat), Cajun-style swordfish (suspected of containing PCBs and toxic metals), and chicken teriyaki (recent increase in the incidence of salmonella whi

'You're so illogical. I can never win an argument with you.'

"Do you have anything with FOOD in it?"

"We will demonstrate that climate change denial blogs cause further global warming."

'Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.'

"It says it's 100% ground beef. Only bones, brains, butts and eyeballs. Absolutely no pink slime added..."

Chef swatting flies into a bowl in a sushi bar.

'If that is a toenail, it is a French toenail.'

Conspiracy theories

'Hey, that line's moving a lot faster!'

'We ran a full DNA test, STR and Mitochondrial analysis... and Bob here 'Googled' it just to make sure.'

'Why on Earth would you ask if this turkey is genetically modified?'

"By the time I've read all the nutrition and ingredients information I've lost my appetite!"

'What did you find in your soup?'

"Stacy. Stacy. Honey... You're not a doctor."

"Do you have a few unsubstantiated claims I can borrow?"

Your friend, Ernie, is an impressive, multi-talented guy! He's been a actor in the theater, in archeologist, and now he's a diplomat! He hasn't been any of those things. He used to install doors. Oh, he told me he was "applauded for his entrances." And he was an inspector, book for expired yogurt, at the dairy warehouse. He said he "searcher for ancient cultures." Now he sells mattresses. You think he's a diplomat? Yeah, he told me he's "devoted to eliminating unrest in the world"

Lemme ask you something: Do you care about the quality of information you get? How's you mean? You want professional journalists covering events? If so, you've got to pay them. Bloggers sitting in their jammies at home can't get you the facts from Istanbul. You look extremely bored. You've got a weird hangup with facts.