Food Faddists T-Shirts

"I don't really need to avoid gluten, but I feel it's a popular concern with broad appeal we can all share."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

Counting ribs

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

Benihana style of cooking.

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

Kitchen Kapers

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"I say it's Kale, and I say it's spinaches shitfaced uncle."

Important Food Groups

The Streets - Night

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

Burnt or Raw?

Would you be willing to sign something regarding the fat content of your burger? Like what? My colon.

CAUTION: Creative genius at work

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

"They won't even try their palate cleansers!"

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

This Year's Spa

'Shall we turn the extractor fan down a bit...?'

"As you can guess, Rico is my role model."

North Fork, the town too tough to diet.

Acme Foods. Research and Development. Then it's an "no" on the Mexican Jumping Bean Dip?

"Is the garbage fresh?"

"Can you reinvent the classic grilled cheese for me?"

Will work for Food Network.

A convenient attack of swine flu...

"More croutons, sir?"

"How did I find my lamb chop? Well, I lifted up a roast potato and there it was."