Food Critic In Training Gifts

'Mum! There's a fly in my soup...'

'If we gave you nice food you may not want to leave.'

'What do you mean, it's good for me and I'll like it? That sounds like a contradiction in terms.'

'As if school lunches weren't bad enough. Now, they have to be nutritious!'

'I'm not eating that - it hasn't been advertised on the telly...'

'Strained carrots again! What am I being punished for this time?'

'You owe us a tenner.'

Competitive Picky Eating

'It would be nice to eat somewhere that doesn't have a grumpy chef.'

'He's very fussy about his food.'

'This chicken has absolutely no taste, body or character.' - 'I thought you wanted to eat it, not offer it a job.'

'Yuck! Take it away.'

'This French food is pretty good, except for that beurre bleeech sauce.'

Joe's Truckstop Diner: Eat In - Take Out - Poop somewhere else.

Cheese Anxiety Magazine

"The meatloaf lacks the joie de vivre I was hoping for."

"Telling me how nutritious it is doesn't make it taste any better."

"The pastry is soggy and your filling leaves a bitter aftertaste."

Diet Plate/Haute Cuisine

'If it tastes just like chicken... I'd rather have chicken.'

'Egon Ronay was physically sick here in 1974.'

"Her fried squash blooms were leathery."

'And please have my grilled cheese sandwich cut in half diagonally, or I'll cry.'

'I don't know. . . Nobody has ever requested a doggy bag before. . .'

'Mind if I join you? I told your wife that if she didn't like the way I cook, she could have a run at it herself.'

'How's the steak?' 'The steak's ok. The gravy's tough.'

'Okay mum, I'll eat it all up. But I doubt I'll grow big and strong on this muck!'

"Hey...what's going on? Where's Tia Carmen? Where's breakfast?!"

Man unsatisfied with food

"Oh yeah, like you're a four-star fork."

"Hey, how about putting some cheese on this cheeseburger?" "OK, but it'll cost ya."

"One of us has to draw the line somewhere, and I draw the line at mall sushi."

"Excuse me-I think there's something wrong with this in a tiny way that no one other than me would ever be able to pinpoint."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."