Food Authenticity Champion T-Shirts

'Out test show that your haddock is really flounder, your flounder is cod, your cod is tilapia, and your tilapia is chicken.'

Come dine with me!

Craft Donuts vs. Craft Beer

"Oh, no - not another farmer's market!"

"I can hear Brooklyn becoming played out."

"Well, I'm the company sports champion! During the lunch break I ate more hamburgers than any other colleague!"

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

"I bet you can't name one person who makes a better lengua casserole than me!"

What Does God Know?

"What do you have that won't kill me?"

Food manufacturing industry in a soup.

What if they held a chili cookoff, & nobody came!

"According to these latest tests, anything can cause anything."

'They are boneless, I didn't say anything about beaks.'

'Nice barbecue, Normy!!'

Genetically Altered Salmon (and other foods) Research

"He sounds authentic. That gets my vote."

"There is nothing dangerous about GM foods!" "Keep talking or we'll smash your head in"

'I appeared to start selling more when I stopped appearing to sell.'

"Sorry, pal. I just need to make sure she likes me for me."

"Will you stop comparing me to your mum!"

"Is everything all right? Any reactions to the irradiated carrots, the transgenic tomatoes, or the antibiotics in the chicken?"

Newspaper headlines - Butters kills, Margarine kills.

"Tonight's specials include beef wellington (long regarded as a major source of cholesterol and saturated fat), Cajun-style swordfish (suspected of containing PCBs and toxic metals), and chicken teriyaki (recent increase in the incidence of salmonella whi

Grim Reaper with ChipsFries.

"It says it's 100% ground beef. Only bones, brains, butts and eyeballs. Absolutely no pink slime added..."

Chef Contest. Ernie, it's not sporting to chant "batter, batter, batter" during a pancake cook-off.

"Hmm interesting Hallmark..."

"...and into each box, we now put a tiny amount of antidote to counteract all the additives."

Way Too Genetically Engineered Chicken

"And should you retain us, Mr. Hodal, you'll find that we're more than just a law firm."

Best Pizza in Town, Best Pizza in the World and Best Pizza on the Block.

'Why on Earth would you ask if this turkey is genetically modified?'

'Careful Jack - it might be a GM beanstalk!'

Politely queuing for the last Focaccia.