Flu Dramatist T-Shirts

"Don't be so dramatic, you've only got a cold!"

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

Shakespeare's Lost Play: The Taming of the Pooch.

'At this time, we would like to call those passengers who feel compelled to board before their row numbers are announced.'

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

'Hard to follow...'

"In closing, I would like to remind the jury that he says he didn't do it."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

"Twenty five years! But your honor,

"Impartiality becomes you."

'In this next precedent, an attorney lost his frivolous lawsuit complaint and his opponent then filed a frivolous 'frivolous lawsuit' lawsuit.'

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

Performance In The Bedroom

'You are in court today, so I've got to take you into make up.'

A Lawyer's Closing Arguments Wins the Support of the Jury

I can read this audit, but HOW should I read it...What is my MOTIVATION, how do I bring these figures to life,make them sing!... Colin often wondered whether accountancy had been the right career choice for him

'Never mind four out of five doctors.. what do four out of five LAWYERS recommend?'

'What's this? You're suing me because the prescribed medication made you 'irrationally exuberant' in a down market?'

"We can't put you in a Witness-Protection Program unless you actually witnessed something."

Closing arguments.

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

'Now, then -- would you prefer a speedy trial or an accurate trial.'

"Yes, Your Honor, I'm Mr. Brandon, Mr. Shindelbower's attorney, along with his agent and publicist."

What do overcrowded prisons say about defense lawyers?

"And were you wearing that particular hat on the night of the murder?"

"I would like to conduct my own defence, m'lud."

Toast with faces popped up from toaster.

"You're an attorney. Don't stand so upright."

"It's a profit and loss statement. Read it with gusto!"

'Your honor, my client feels you should recuse yourself as he is a cat person.'

'... and I almost want to thank my pharmacist.'

"Normally, ladies and gentlemen of the jury. These closing arguments would be filled with impassioned pleading, determined advocacy and a certain amount of histrionics, but this is a pro bono case."

Dreary counsel sending the judge and jury to sleep

'We're eleven to one. May we borrow the murder weapon?'