Flower Joke Appreciator Pillows

"My wife is complaining I don't buy her flowers. To be honest, I didn't know she sold flowers."

'Did you want to bring on a sub'

"...so it appears we were talking to his butt that entire time."

Laughing Zone Ahead

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

"You'll feel a pinch and then a burn."

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

'Excuse me, I ordered Matzo Ball soup.'

'HEY! Shouldn't that be a reef-knot?!'

'The guy at the end of the bar, would like to know if he can get you to buy him another drink?'

"Have you had a stressful experience lately, such as an accident?"

"...you mean this is the end of the 3 bandidoes?"

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

'I'm counter - intelligence'

'Cycle shop' selling puncture repair kits next door to a 'Sex shop' selling inflatable dolls

Due to Global Warming Penguins have been Spotted Far from their Natural Habitat

"Calm down! That was a massive fart, NOT a sneeze!"

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

'This isn't Armageddon... it's a bar brawl on a Saturday night. Let Pestilence read the map.'

Medicine bottle - If symptoms persist, die!

"I wouldn't take the name 'dog strangling vine' literally."

Climate Change Road

OMG.

'...Oh yeah? Well I've never heard of the 'denture fairy'.'

"...and the dung was this big!.... No...elephant, actually."

'I'd probably do a lot better if the teachers weren't set to 'auto-correct.''

'Mind if I head off a little early today?'

"Ok, ok, how's everyone feeling tonight besides a thousand dollars poorer?"

"His face may be in the gutter, but his bum's looking up at the stars."

"Smart Arse"

Smart 3 Piece Suite.

"How embarrassing, I'm literally glued to the television."