Floral Jester Pillows

'Off with their heads.'

"No, you definitely wouldn't get Christmas Eve off."

Drunk Barber

"Could you help me fit nine days work into five and still see my family?"

'Avoid the Christmas rush, drink now.

'He's all eyes!'

"We all go a bit crackers over Christmas, just try to pull yourself together."

'I can't work with computers, on account of my animal magnetism.'

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

An Early Ventriloquist Meets His Future Dummy

'That was SO worth it!' - Christmas Tree Toppled

Dec. 26

'Your tomato ketchup is on it's way, Sir...'

NSA is coming to town.

"And would you like a wine stopper?"

Frisbee dog catching pizza dough

'I'm not saying that global warming is a reality...'

Middle Age Spread.

"Just how rare is this steak..."

"He said, 'Won't you guide my sleigh tonight?' I thought that meant steer."

The herd of hearing.

U.S Airspace missile detection meets Santa

"And if anything goes wrong I'd like to donate my body to comedy."

Finish Annual IOK Grunion Run

Watering a plant in the rain.

Bill finally receives a celery commensurate with his responsibilities.

'We don't have pressed duck, but we could shove around a chicken for you.'

"When we hired you, we said we would offer a giant celery... Not a salary."

Christmas Newspapers

"Ruddy Japanese knotweed gets EVERYWHERE."

"Here, try this anti-dandruff fertiliser my gardener recommended."

'No Dad, that is NOT healthy fast food!'

'The bad news is we have to amputate your liver - the good news is it'll be great with onions!'

"Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do!... ...Also have a bunny hide eggs."