Floral Jester Pillows

'Off with their heads.'

"No, you definitely wouldn't get Christmas Eve off."

'Don finally figured out a way to keep the squirrels from getting at the bird feeder.'

Drunk Barber

"Could you help me fit nine days work into five and still see my family?"

'Avoid the Christmas rush, drink now.

'He's all eyes!'

"We all go a bit crackers over Christmas, just try to pull yourself together."

'I can't work with computers, on account of my animal magnetism.'

An Early Ventriloquist Meets His Future Dummy

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

'That was SO worth it!' - Christmas Tree Toppled

Dec. 26

'Your tomato ketchup is on it's way, Sir...'

NSA is coming to town.

"And would you like a wine stopper?"

'I'm not saying that global warming is a reality...'

"Just how rare is this steak..."

Frisbee dog catching pizza dough

Middle Age Spread.

"He said, 'Won't you guide my sleigh tonight?' I thought that meant steer."

U.S Airspace missile detection meets Santa

The herd of hearing.

Finish Annual IOK Grunion Run

"And if anything goes wrong I'd like to donate my body to comedy."

"Mum, I think Grandad's run out of batteries."

Watering a plant in the rain.

Bill finally receives a celery commensurate with his responsibilities.

Christmas Newspapers

'No Dad, that is NOT healthy fast food!'

'We don't have pressed duck, but we could shove around a chicken for you.'

"When we hired you, we said we would offer a giant celery... Not a salary."

"Here, try this anti-dandruff fertiliser my gardener recommended."

"Ruddy Japanese knotweed gets EVERYWHERE."

'The bad news is we have to amputate your liver - the good news is it'll be great with onions!'