Floral Jokester Pillows

"...nice touch."

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"Can't you do something more creative than messing around with cupboard doors?"

'My brother's a proper cook - he's come as a witness'

"Do you think the birds like me?"

'I'm going to bake you a sponge cake...where do we keep the sponges?'

Dr B orge tests his new cow-fart ozone depletion meter.

Soup Company: Chicken Stock, Beef Stock and Laughing Stock,

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

Cat Waits For Mouse To Come And Kiss Under The Mistletoe

Rudolph the brown-nosed reindeer.

'...And if that doesn't work, grab your rifle and start blasting away.'

'Well, you always said you wanted a water feature for the garden.'

Bird feeder being used by vultures.

Hell's Kitchen specials: Lawyer thermador, barrister kabobs, litigator flambe, attorney tartare.

"Take a shower first. You smell like a chimney."

Gardener digging and finding pipes.

'You can do whatever you want, Herb, but I sure wouldn't take advice from a bowl of alphabet soup!'

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

"Guess what the elves told me? The North Pole is made out of candy!"

COWS: Spare cow

'I'm sorry, sir, but cheeseburgers are out of season.'

'If you cut back on children, at least try to eat them before they nibble on your house.'

"The body is eighty-two-per-cent broth."

'Is it my imagination, or has this suddenly become harder to push?'

'The shepherds couldn't make it!'

'It's actually cheaper than the bait shop.'

Rudolph is at bar speaking to a patron-'So he asks me if I'll pull his sleigh and I'm like-'Not until I get that backpay you owe me fatso!' '

Clown watering his flowers.

"If my husband starts nibbling your ear, you have my permission to confiscate his teeth."

'Tender and Juicy.'

"The Blueberry Bagel, having triumphed on the East Coast, heads West."

"This sub tastes much better with some traffic jam."