Floral Jokester Pillows

"...nice touch."

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"Can't you do something more creative than messing around with cupboard doors?"

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

'My brother's a proper cook - he's come as a witness'

"Do you think the birds like me?"

Cat Waits For Mouse To Come And Kiss Under The Mistletoe

Dr B orge tests his new cow-fart ozone depletion meter.

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

'I'm going to bake you a sponge cake...where do we keep the sponges?'

Soup Company: Chicken Stock, Beef Stock and Laughing Stock,

Rudolph the brown-nosed reindeer.

'...And if that doesn't work, grab your rifle and start blasting away.'

"Take a shower first. You smell like a chimney."

'Well, you always said you wanted a water feature for the garden.'

Hell's Kitchen specials: Lawyer thermador, barrister kabobs, litigator flambe, attorney tartare.

Bird feeder being used by vultures.

Gardener digging and finding pipes.

'You can do whatever you want, Herb, but I sure wouldn't take advice from a bowl of alphabet soup!'

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

COWS: Spare cow

'I'm sorry, sir, but cheeseburgers are out of season.'

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

"Guess what the elves told me? The North Pole is made out of candy!"

'If you cut back on children, at least try to eat them before they nibble on your house.'

"The body is eighty-two-per-cent broth."

'The shepherds couldn't make it!'

'Is it my imagination, or has this suddenly become harder to push?'

'It's actually cheaper than the bait shop.'

Rudolph unblocking a chimney

Chez Homework

"The Blueberry Bagel, having triumphed on the East Coast, heads West."

'Tender and Juicy.'

"This sub tastes much better with some traffic jam."

"If my husband starts nibbling your ear, you have my permission to confiscate his teeth."