Floor Fanatic Pillows

'I just finished the floors, so they better stay clean!'

'That's it then - I'll take the slinky high-heeled cocktail number in a 5 and the everyday workshoe in a 7...'

'Sure beats your cupping your ear!'

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

Shoe addict.

Four Common Lampshade Mistakes and How To Avoid Them.

"Get... a-nother room!"

Name one serious woodworker who doesn't use state of the art kit. Thomas Chippendale.

'This one's good if you like to toss and turn all night.'

'I had no idea Ikea had been around so long.'

'Hang on a second, I think I have a sand castle in my shoe.'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

"I stand corrected."

Mister Pretty Shoes

Unfinished Funiture Store.

"Do you have any knitting patterns for somebody who can only count to five?"

'My god! Have you seen the size of this chiropodist's bill?!!'

'I'd like to match this credenza.'

"Attention, everyone! I'd like to introduce the newest member of our family."

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

"Getting the ball in the hole on the first swing is good isn't it?"

Leda knew it was serious when the visited Ikea together.

"Why does the chair always get to chair these meetings?"

'So you're off to see the chiropodist... the only time in your life you shouldn't put your best foot forward!'

"Do you prefer the tile engineered to look like wood, or the wood engineered to look like tile?"

Maria had always said you could never have too many shoes. Actually, she was wrong.

'I just invented the 'chair' - It relieves lower back pain!'

'Hello, Acme Termite Control...?'

Auctioneer: 'Sold to the lady whose husband just walked out!'

'No,silly-I asked for a sand WEDGE!'

"Dear, you are Definitely coming back as a centipede."

"I really like this one – but I'm afraid of getting hurt again."