Flatulence Humorist Gifts

It's a wind farm.

"There ya go. Cushion rot from farting into the same old chair for 40 years"

'Do Not Pass' and 'Gas'.

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

'Flight simulator'

Cross-country runners picking up water and spare batteries.

'I've been sitting on this mountain for 25 years, and what I've learned is that true happiness can only be found in the soothing relief of a fast-acting hemorrhoid cream!'

Hydration

'The best part is being able to fly without taking off your shoes.'

"RAF Recruitment Waiting Room."

'There is a kid at school who can play 'Jingle Bells' with his farts. That is impressive because flatulence is a difficult medium.'

Echo Mountain...NO Yodeling! - Falling rock zone.

"There is no air conditioning in the luggage compartment so stand up straight and stop licking your nose!"

'Here comes the in-flight meal.'

'Catching lunch again Steward?'

'Captain, a passenger says there's a gremlin out on the wing of the plane.'

Straddling bus stop above a regular bus stop.

The Fart Side

Gas Price Reads: Way Too Much.

"A sad incident at LaGuardia Airport today as a depressed 757 landed and burst into tears."

'For a little extra we can allocate you a seat inside the aircraft.'

"In the event of a water landing, your seat cushions may be used as flotation devices. And, your tray tables may be used to bash sharks."

'You shouldn't have forgotten the flag!'

"For crying out loud! It’s empty!!"

Birds talk about flying...we land in the Hudson all the time - no big deal.

'I‘ll be relieved when they invent the aeroplane, these long trips are playing havoc with my wings'.

' ... and that's a policy giving you flight insurance covering mid-air bankruptcies.'

'Over on stage number two is the lovely, succulent, Misty Flatulence!'

'I always ask for a seat in the tail. You never hear of a plane backing into a mountain...'

"... But, Derek. The travel agent told us not to drink the water!"

'I went to wash the wheels on that European Airbus A380 by myself. I didn't know it had 22 wheels.'

'Surely you could have missed one episode of Eastenders !!'

"I didn't spend seventeen days climbing this bloody mountain, in all weathers, for a lecture on personal hygiene!"

"The adventures of Robin Hood are becoming a lot less adventurous."