Flat-pack Tactician Gifts

We regret that misprint on the box. Instead of saying, 'An 8 year old can assemble this' it should have read, 'It takes 8 years to assemble this.'

The Lion, the witch and the flat-pack self-assembly wardrobe: lion and witch putting a wardrobe together.

"Flat pack furniture is my passion. It's just a shame I haven't the space to assemble it."

"You need to take this thingamajig...and attach it to the whatchamacallit using a turny thing."

'Handyman's Special'

'Are you sure you brought the right flat pack?'

'So far, sir, we've rejected plans A,B, C, D, E, F, and right now we're evaluating'G'.'

DIY horror.

George was a bit intimidated by his IKEA self-assembly wardrobe.

"Connect A2 to B3, insert D3 into E5....I hate flat packs!"

'What a control freak!'

Chair - Ready for Self Assembly.

"Thank God you're here, first I need your help assembling this Ikea exorcism futon."

Fred began to understand why this kit house was so cheap.

"It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure this stuff out, but..."

'Thank you colonel we'll keep your strategy in mind.'

'I'll give him twenty minutes, then jump in and show him how its done.'

Just as he was about to be annihilated, Dirk makes an amazing discovery,

Manager. Managing a political campaign and a baseball team are alike in many ways. A campaign is launched with a "first pitch," when a candidate gives a speech selling himself or herself. I change pitchers based on the game situation. In politics and baseball, sometimes it's best to come from the right side and sometimes it's best to come from the left side. We study our competitors' weaknesses and exploit those. In politics we call that "opposition research." And I don't worry about the

"I know I told you to fool him into thinking you've got nothing left, but now you've got me convinced."

'Don't forget. When this photo shoot is over I get a bucket of shiners.'

'Are you ready for me to read the instructions yet?'

'I went riding this morning. . . he got back before I did.'

Arsene Wenger

'Cap'n, why's the enemy fire so accurate after we deployed the smoke screen?'

'We're a coalition force, ref.'

"Don't worry. Think of it as putting together that Swedish furniture...there's always pieces left over."

'What's this?' - 'Your sealed orders, not to be opened till 7 furlongs.'

Flat pack sales assistant

'Is this the narrow gauge track or a standard gauge track?'

A flat-pack cow.

'And this is your desk.'

"I like the look of this steamer in the 2.30."

"It's your new IKEA store, sign here."

Horse racing is the only sport where a 3 year old can make an adult behave like a baby!