Fixer-upper Aficionado T-Shirts

"Neglected, his body slowly deteriorated until suddenly, he bursts open, innards flooding the floor."

"...And this is the part where he veers off course from the YouTube tutorial."

"So, how's the money pit in the kitchen coming?"

"It's a major fixer-upper. How's your marriage?"

Man to pets about upside down house: 'I don't care who started it!'

'Hello, Acme Termite Control...?'

You're right, it's the house next door that gets the new window.

'Apart from his awful workmanship, my hubby's handy work is fine.'

Inventor of the Tudor spirit-level

"Fine, you win. I'll call a handyman."

"Oh no! This chimney needs re-pointing."

'Your husband started without me, didn't he?'

'When does the improvement phase of this home improvement project begin?'

We'll take a carpenter, painter, plumber...

'He may not be accurate but he's resourceful'

Darn you, you stupid hammer!

DIY information - 'Here you are - look it up yourself.'

"Thanks to our self-driving car, Fred channels all his road rage energy into doing chores around the house!"

"According to the instructions, if the product is found to be faulty, dispose of it responsibly and purchase another."

The Upholstery Consultant

"This does NOT count as fixing the leaky faucet, mister!"

"Larry made that chair from a pile of sticks."

Moe's Fix-It Shop - No Heroic Measures

Well paid job

'Buy this house sir, and you could be a star in a DIY make-over programme!'

"First thing when you get home tonight help me with the refrigerator."

'While we're on the subject, when are you going to do something about those potholes in our driveway at home?'

DIY Store "I don't know why we come here..."

"Who would you like me to call first, the electrician or the plumber?"

"Thanks for fixing the muffler."

"Here's a video showing how to fix a toilet. It shows a guy calling a plumber."

'Now that you've got it running again, how do you stop it?'

"My husband is ambidextrous....completely useless with either hand!"

'Well sir, out 'idyllic country cottage' may be a bit extreme, but you have to admit its got potential.'