Fixer-upper Enthusiasts T-Shirts

"Did I mention the view?"

"I haven't a clue what it does, but I don't know I managed without it"

Tool Box

Hardware Store Tools Wrench

"The bad news is that I backed into a fan. The good news is my owner's a plumber."

"You need to take this thingamajig...and attach it to the whatchamacallit using a turny thing."

"...And this is the part where he veers off course from the YouTube tutorial."

"When it comes to fixing his own computer, I call it his PDDIY project. That stands for please DON'T do it yourself."

"So, how's the money pit in the kitchen coming?"

Home De-Po. Things you need for your project. Things you didn't know you needed until you were halfway through your project.

"I'm bored - let's buy a house in the country that has lots of problems."

"It's a major fixer-upper. How's your marriage?"

Man to pets about upside down house: 'I don't care who started it!'

'She seems to think I only have one thing on my mind.'

Is this for wiping greasy hands?

"Dad! The bathroom pipes are clogged up!"

Timber preservation

'Hello, Acme Termite Control...?'

Bob’s Museum

You're right, it's the house next door that gets the new window.

'I think you want Phillips. Two doors down on the left.'

"All right, pal, I'm just saying, that's what I'd do if it was my Large Hadron Collider."

Man hitting a TV and going out of focus himself.

'Certainly. Here's the break-down. Seventy-five dollars for my labour. And seventy-five dollars for you impersonating a plumber.'

"Oh no! This chimney needs re-pointing."

'Apart from his awful workmanship, my hubby's handy work is fine.'

"Was it a fuse?"

'Hanging around the house, Fred, just in case.'

'Why did you get a huge socket wrench set? You never use socket wrenches.'

"Fine, you win. I'll call a handyman."

'Hello, Robinson Crusoe here, I'd like my kitchen finished by Friday.'

'Your husband started without me, didn't he?'

'When does the improvement phase of this home improvement project begin?'

'I think I found the problem.'

We'll take a carpenter, painter, plumber...