Fixer-upper Enthusiasts T-Shirts

"Did I mention the view?"

"I haven't a clue what it does, but I don't know I managed without it"

Tool Box

Hardware Store Tools Wrench

"The bad news is that I backed into a fan. The good news is my owner's a plumber."

"You need to take this thingamajig...and attach it to the whatchamacallit using a turny thing."

"...And this is the part where he veers off course from the YouTube tutorial."

"So, how's the money pit in the kitchen coming?"

"When it comes to fixing his own computer, I call it his PDDIY project. That stands for please DON'T do it yourself."

"I'm bored - let's buy a house in the country that has lots of problems."

"It's a major fixer-upper. How's your marriage?"

Man to pets about upside down house: 'I don't care who started it!'

Is this for wiping greasy hands?

"Dad! The bathroom pipes are clogged up!"

Timber preservation

'Hello, Acme Termite Control...?'

Bob’s Museum

You're right, it's the house next door that gets the new window.

'I think you want Phillips. Two doors down on the left.'

Man hitting a TV and going out of focus himself.

'Certainly. Here's the break-down. Seventy-five dollars for my labour. And seventy-five dollars for you impersonating a plumber.'

"All right, pal, I'm just saying, that's what I'd do if it was my Large Hadron Collider."

'Hello, Robinson Crusoe here, I'd like my kitchen finished by Friday.'

"Oh no! This chimney needs re-pointing."

'Apart from his awful workmanship, my hubby's handy work is fine.'

"Fine, you win. I'll call a handyman."

"Was it a fuse?"

'Why did you get a huge socket wrench set? You never use socket wrenches.'

'Hanging around the house, Fred, just in case.'

'Your husband started without me, didn't he?'

'When does the improvement phase of this home improvement project begin?'

'I think I found the problem.'

"I'm looking for a Father's Day gift. What kind of wrench says 'I love you'?"

We'll take a carpenter, painter, plumber...